I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
