Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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