WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
