I CAN MOONWALK!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
