My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
