Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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