We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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