In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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