One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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