are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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