Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
