if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
