Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
