He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
