and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
