remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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