so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
