a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
