You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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