OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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