I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
