Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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