I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
