my phone needs a breathalizer
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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