No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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