I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
