apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
