when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
