She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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