i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
