A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
