no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
