Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
