how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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