Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have tasted many bathrooms
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
