Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
