Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
