when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
