I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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