8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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