Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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