remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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