at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
