I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
