I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
