My hand turned me down
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
