It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
