NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
