my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
