You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
