My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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