M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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