2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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