So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
