i think i have two assholes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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