what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
