I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
