rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
