i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
