Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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