Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
