oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
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and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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