She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
