this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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