haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
