They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
