Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
