He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
